A Bad Day...

I'm typing here. No one will see it anyway. I think people are tired of all my problems. I know I am. Nothing too serious. Just life. But still...

I know life isn't fair. I just wish something could be easy for me. Just once. I can feel myself spiraling and I'm doing all the things to keep it from happening but it just isn't working.

I read an article today about "grieving". It was about how parents grieve their children's disabilites, etc. I think it's true. I know I grieve and wonder if I ever won't. And then I feel just awful because I should be more thankful. I mean, Hannah's alive. The alternative is so much worse. I can't imagine life without her.

Really, no parent should have to go through this and I know parents who have it much worse than we have. Children shouldn't have to go through this. What can possibly be gained from the inability to function on a normal level with your peers. It's heartbreaking.

I find myself questioning God one moment and crying out to him the next. My mind is so confused. Why? I mean, I can understand ONE thing, but one thing after another and another. It's so unfair. There I go using that word again. Sigh!

I just need some answers. Just some guidance. I'm tired of fumbling my way through this developmental maze. There just seems to be no answers. Why is it such a fight? I just dont' get it. Developmental delays are prevalent. It's unreal.

I'm just so weary. But it doesn't matter because I HAVE to keep going. I'm a parent of a child with "special needs". No rest for the weary.