Facing My Giants...

Today I watched the movie, "Facing the Giants". It was a really good movie. I know that many people viewed it and felt inspired and encouraged. Unfortunately I'm in a place spiritually and emotionally where that is not what I left the movie with. I am discouraged.

Don't get me wrong. I was happy for the coach, his wife, the team and all the other folks in the movie that saw God work in their lives. My problem with the whole thing is that what about the masses of people out here who do all the right things and don't get the results that those people had. How do you think they felt after watching the movie?

I struggle. I know God is good. I do. I just don't know what I think or believe anymore concerning his ability or choice to do good. I'm in a place where it really looks like God gets to choose who he shows favor to. He gets to do what he wants, when he wants, where he wants. I do realize that I as a human have to accept that, and I guess I'll never understand. I've been told I'm not supposed to understand. I have to just accept that God is God and that he is good regardless of what is going on in my life. I've done that. There has to be something I'm not getting though. I mean, I don't expect God to change my circumstances. I understand that whatever is going on is his will. At least I think I understand. That doesn't mean I like it. But I do accept it. I just wish I could get the peace and grace that comes with that acceptance. How do I do that?

Part of me says to get over myself, "Quit acting like a spoiled brat Marcey". The other part of me is saying, "hello! I've had my share. Can you cut me a slack?" I don't know how people do it. I can't control myself. I used to could, but lately I feel like I want to just throw a hissy fit. Ugggh! This is just not me. I'm not myself.

This has to be a season. I'm really hoping and praying for a break in the new year. I'd do anything to get that.

Enough of my rambling tonight.....

Happy Birthday To Me....

Yeah, it's my birthday. My 37th one. Just 3 more years and I'll hit the big 40. LOL!

My life certainly doesn't look the way I had imagined. In some ways it's been disappointing, but in other ways it's far better than I had hoped. It's been a hard road. Seemingly a constant hard road, but just the other day David and I were watching videos of the boys when they were little, and although that time in our life was engulfed in conflict, there were some beautiful times that I wouldn't trade for the world. Yesterday Hannah woke me up singing "wake up little blue bird". I'll hold the sound of her little voice in my memory forever, I hope. The boys are fastly approaching manhood. It's neat and scary to watch. I do worry what kind of men they will be. David and I are getting along better than ever. We still get on each others nerves but some of the very things that used to drive me nuts about him, so endear him to me now. For instance, his corny sense of humor, oh how I'd cringe when he'd try to be funny. I never got the jokes. Now, it's adorable and I laugh whether I get them or not. It's interesting how life changes. Life is really like a book with many chapters.

I think more than anything, things that used to be so important just aren't that important in the scope of things. Things I convinced myself I couldn't do, I now see that I'm the only one stopping me.

I'm really looking forward to the future. I know that without a doubt I'll have some pretty yucky days, weeks, or months come along. Bad days are always around the corner. What better reason can I possibly have to live the good days, weeks, and months to the fullest though. I'm ready to participate in life instead of standing around watching it happen.

So, Happy Birthday to Me......