Facing My Giants...

Today I watched the movie, "Facing the Giants". It was a really good movie. I know that many people viewed it and felt inspired and encouraged. Unfortunately I'm in a place spiritually and emotionally where that is not what I left the movie with. I am discouraged.

Don't get me wrong. I was happy for the coach, his wife, the team and all the other folks in the movie that saw God work in their lives. My problem with the whole thing is that what about the masses of people out here who do all the right things and don't get the results that those people had. How do you think they felt after watching the movie?

I struggle. I know God is good. I do. I just don't know what I think or believe anymore concerning his ability or choice to do good. I'm in a place where it really looks like God gets to choose who he shows favor to. He gets to do what he wants, when he wants, where he wants. I do realize that I as a human have to accept that, and I guess I'll never understand. I've been told I'm not supposed to understand. I have to just accept that God is God and that he is good regardless of what is going on in my life. I've done that. There has to be something I'm not getting though. I mean, I don't expect God to change my circumstances. I understand that whatever is going on is his will. At least I think I understand. That doesn't mean I like it. But I do accept it. I just wish I could get the peace and grace that comes with that acceptance. How do I do that?

Part of me says to get over myself, "Quit acting like a spoiled brat Marcey". The other part of me is saying, "hello! I've had my share. Can you cut me a slack?" I don't know how people do it. I can't control myself. I used to could, but lately I feel like I want to just throw a hissy fit. Ugggh! This is just not me. I'm not myself.

This has to be a season. I'm really hoping and praying for a break in the new year. I'd do anything to get that.

Enough of my rambling tonight.....